This is the new reality. I’ve found that most of my condition comes from how I react to events and circumstances in my life. My perception and reaction to what people say, getting cut off in traffic, or even just bad weather could send me into a panic attack or a deep depression.
Learning to live with this is has been eye opening to say the least. From the time after high school until my mid to late thirties I never thought about how I reacted to things. When things bothered me I would go out and drink and drug to escape the feelings. As for relationships during that period they were unfortunately sabotaged by myself when it was time for me to step up. I was always good at running away when things hard or real. Crawling inside that bottle, taking some coke, and smoking pot was much easier than keeping a job and paying bills.
Figuring out running away, drinking, and drugging doesn’t make for a healthy lifestyle was not easy. I decided I wanted to keep the things I have so I needed to find a way to do just that. Seeking help was totally new to me. Now, being sober, I feel things on a daily basis and find myself thinking about my reactions. I can’t control every situation but I am responsible for the way I deal with those situations. Slowing down and thinking before responding is my new go to.
Enjoying the the little things and appreciating what I probably didn’t pay much attention to before is almost a good enough reason to stay sober. Looking forward to continued success and increased happiness is the real motivation behind my recovery. I was broken for a long time and will require many repairs with years of healing. I have not yet begun to fight! It maybe I have!
Thanks for listening!